How to Develop Patience

I admit that I am not naturally gifted at patience. When I was a kid, my parents often had to remind me that I didn’t need to finish a big project in one day.

In our slowly reopening world, we are all being challenged to display a little more patience. I know that waiting for the studio to reopen fully has been testing the patience of our students and team alike.

I commend our community for being so careful during the stay at home order and as we progress through the pandemic’s phases. I have heard many heartening stories about how you are taking care of yourselves and others. I am really proud to be a part of such a compassionate and thoughtful group!

While we will gradually open up a bit more this month, 5KY's management team is very conscious of our duty to keep our community safe. We know that some of you will want to return to classes at the studio right away and others will prefer to keep streaming our online classes at home.

We want to honor both choices. We are taking this time to implement new systems to make sure the messy middle of this pandemic is as safe and smooth for you as possible.

Our aim is to open a couple of in-studio classes by mid-July to start. In the meantime, don't forget we are co-hosting a fundraiser with The FIT Institute for My Block, My Hood, My City with a Rooftop Yoga class on July 11th!

I think we are all realizing that (safely) reopening is going to take more time and effort than we initially envisioned early this spring. The phases may not proceed neatly. At times it may even feel like we are moving backward.

Even so, we are making progress little by little. Someday, things will come back to a sense of normalcy. But until then, our patience is being tested.

In this spirit, I’d like to offer some practical tips on developing patience I’ve gathered as I work to reform my own impatience.

Some of the ideas are tools we can use in our yoga and meditation practice. These are things we can work on every time we return to our mat or meditation cushion.

The rest are activities I turn to when strong feelings of impatience rear up every so often. These activities can be done with regularity on any schedule that suits you.

Developing Patience

• In Meditation - When my mind wanders in meditation, I try not to beat myself up. It’s normal for the mind to wander. Noticing that the attention has drifted and bringing it back develops concentration by deepening associated neural pathways. Eventually, meditation will happen but for now, returning my concentration again and again is enough. Sometimes it helps to think about how funny it is that the mind can’t sit still. "Silly mind, just like a monkey's." Then we move into a place of observation and compassion, instead of judgement.  When we don’t judge our own process, we are practicing patience. Additionally, when we have an impulsive thought like, “that’s enough, I’m done for the day,” we can try coming back to our breath and sitting for another minute. We are directly working on our ability to be patient through that restraint. Finally, we might integrate an affirming mantra into our meditation practice, such as "I am at peace with the process of life" or "every day and in every way, getting better and better" (or pick one that resonates more with you.) This mantra can be pulled out of a back pocket when our patience with ourselves is tested.

 

• In Hatha Yoga - When I feel frustrated that I’m not attaining an intended position or state of mind, I try to sink my attention deep into my body. For example, if I’m practicing a pose and feel frustrated by my lack of progress, I imagine the body part that is struggling in detail. What does it look like? What is happening to it and inside it as I hold this position? How do the structures and cells interact with one another as I practice? What processes of biomechanics are displayed while I practice? Or, if an intrusive thought or feeling interrupts a peaceful state of mind, I will ask myself where I feel that intrusive feeling in my body. I try to "see" it in my mind's eye. When we detach from our thoughts and start to observe the body and mind, we are moving away from egoistic perception and toward a witnessing perception. In this state we are usually more able to feel at peace with the process.
  

 

• With Journaling - Writing isn’t for everybody, but a journal can contain whatever speaks to you. You could draw, collage, or even leave voice memos for yourself. Consistently documenting where we are in a moment (the good and bad) can help us start to notice patterns that keep us stuck. It can also help us recognize and honor that we’ve made a gradual and challenging change for good. Infrequently, I will pick up a journal I wrote five or ten years ago and suddenly realize how much is different in my life. I didn't see the gradual changes as they happened, nor remember them now that they have come to pass. But looking back, the full force of my consistent efforts is clear. Reminders of the necessarily slow nature of progress can help motivate us to keep making wise everyday decisions, in order to get where we want to be eventually. That is both patience and discipline.
  

 

• Through an Annual Review - This doesn’t need to be dry. My mother taught me an exercise, created by Dr. Daniel Amen, which has helped me through many impatient times. Segment a piece of paper into three sections: one just for you, one for your home-life, and one for work. Jot down three or four things you’d like to accomplish in each area of your life in the next five years (you could also choose a different time frame). Put this in a safe place where you’ll remember to check it every so often. Referring to this list regularly can keep you on track and remind you that it’s all a process you’re continually working on. After all, the journey is the goal, right? I’ve heard we think we can accomplish more than is possible in one year but less than is possible in five. So reviewing these lists over several years will show you how hard you’ve worked and where you’ve already succeeded. It’s human nature to forget the good you’ve already done and hang onto what you haven’t accomplished yet. But a list like this is hard proof of your efforts already.
  

 

• By Cultivating Friendships - If you have a long-term relationship with someone you can feel vulnerable around, this is a great way to check in with your progress. We are our harshest critics and a friendly outside perspective on how you’ve changed can be eye-opening. From the outside, it's easier to be more objective and kind. It might be nice to do the annual review exercise with this friend and then check in at regular intervals to give each other feedback on what you’ve both accomplished. Or a less formal approach might work better for you. In any case, a candid conversation about goals and accomplishments with someone else can help us see a bit more objectively, as well as develop compassion for ourselves and the processes we are undergoing to improve.
  

In the end, we should know the nature of impermanence and trust that the discomfort will pass as we continue to work on ourselves. I hope that we will all be able to channel this potent energy into positive changes that last well beyond the current moment.